The
other day, a slightly buzzed textual conversation led to me considering which
recent and semi-recent TV and semi-TV characters might be regarded as all-time
badasses. This further led me to play that most beloved of geeky pastimes,
Zombie Survival Team, which I modified to Survival Team or Shit Going Down
Team. Who made the cut, and why? Read on.
For
the purposes of this exercise, I limited myself to Genre characters, though I
played a little fast and loose with what “Genre” meant. Furthermore, I limited
myself to mortals and near-mortals whose badassery stemmed from training and
natural talents rather than supernatural or alien gifts, because it would be
easy enough to snag Buffy, the Doctor, Korra, have them bring Ellie as comic
relief, and call it a day. My results are, admittedly, a bit combat heavy, but
that’s part of the point of the exercise.
Dr. Dana Scully—Leader, Science
Stuff
With
the level of badassery I’m about to put on the field, it’s going to take an
equal level of badassery in command. I’m putting Dr. Dana Scully in charge. She’s
calm, cool, collected, and accustomed to wrangling difficult personalities.
Jack Bauer—Field Leader, Pointman
Do
I have to justify this? I don’t think I should have to justify this.
*Note: No longer a complete Kill Count.
Mr. Eko—Survivalist, Spiritual
Matters
Eko
was the character that started this business in the first place.
While his most obvious signifiers of badassery would be his size, his tracking,
and his survivalism, what he actually brings, I feel, is a certitude. He
chooses what must be done, and does it. Also, he’s attuned to the vaguely mystical and spiritual.
Sarah Walker—Spycraft, Martial
Artistry
Technically,
Jack Bauer is also in spycraft, but Sarah brings the skills for a more Bondian
spycraft.
Aeryn Sun—Weapons, Wheelwoman,
Resolve
Do
I have to justify this? I don’t think I should have to justify this. Well,
okay, one out of the box aspect: Aeryn has an important role in any group
because she is a soldier, an order-taker, a mission-accomplisher, ferociously.
Her solution to her leg being trapped is to cut her leg off an continue the
mission. It’s always important to have someone who follows instructions. You know, assuming they're good.
Brienne of Tarth—Brawling, Moral
Conviction
There
are four names prominently mentioned by the people of Westeros when they
discuss who is the greatest warrior in the land—Lorras Tyrell, Gregor Clegane,
Sandor Clegane, and Jaime Lannister. Brienne has beaten three of them. Some
might say that last on should have an asterisk, because Jaime was out of
practice. I say because Jaime was out of practice, she beat him like a mule
rented by a red-headed stepchild. Wait, do I have to justify this? I don’t
think I should have to justify this.
Veronica Mars—Strategery, Manipulation,
Investigation
Sometimes
the needs of badassery require a different approach than guns, clubs, and
broken thumbs. Sometimes you need to go after the true weak points—addictions,
lusts, hubrises, and failings. Veronica knows the best knives to stab those
weak points with.
Clara “Oswin” Oswald—Empathy,
Humanity
This
is far outside the box, but a bit necessary. Let’s be frank, there’s a lot of
trauma, a lot of anger issues, and a lot of stoicism in this team of badassery.
Someone has to be their therapist, but it can’t be a therapist, because most of
these badasses don’t want to talk. Clara has a proven record of getting tough
nuts to crack, and has seen as much shit, or more, as anyone else on this list,
so they’ll respect her.
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