A
woman after my own heart.
Well, that sort of obligates me to
start off on a negative foot, doesn’t it? Anya’s death is bullshit. It’s weak.
And I don’t mean colloquially “weak,” the opposite of “dope” or “diesel,” I
mean lacking in strength, a cheap and empty grab at some stakes and
significance and emotional heft too obvious in its manipulations and
machinations to be effective, and is more than a little insulting to the
character, depending on your sensitivity (mine is set to High). She isn’t
reaching the end of her story, tragic or otherwise (Anya has had precious
little story in season 7 anyway), and there are no reverberations or
ramifications in her loss. She dies a virtually unremarked upon fodder death,
seemingly just because it’s the series finale so someone should die, right? And rather than really cutting to the
bone and charting out a story that calls upon Xander or Willow or Giles to pay
the ultimate price, the show tries to avoid wussing out by killing no one, and
ends up wussing out harder because of how pointless Anya’s death is. Xander
gives her a patronizing “That’s my girl,” and less than a minute later he’s
making dumbass jokey quips about poor taste stores. Anya deserved much, much,
much better than that.
Spike dies, too, but since even in 2003 we already knew he would be on Angel, that sort of dulls the impact.
Spike dies, too, but since even in 2003 we already knew he would be on Angel, that sort of dulls the impact.
“Chosen,” Buffy’s final finale, faces a unique set of issues, wholly
self-created, that no other finale I could think of needed to face—it needs to
complete the season’s story while paying tribute to what came before. And those
two things, honestly, don’t sit together very well. The show has changed
considerably and palpably, in that, well, it’s no longer fun, or breezy, or
clever. It’s dour, and everything’s dire. The chemistry and alchemy has been
thrown off. Yet “Chosen” valiantly tries to pretend otherwise, and starts
finishing stories I honestly didn’t know I was watching, which is sort of
understandable, but still baffling. Buffy reaches a conclusion on her
relationship status. Spike finally learns he is worthy of his soul. Anya
grapples with fear. Willow faces her weakness and temptation and uses magic
again. Xander...gets shafted again, sorry Xander. Regardless, those are all
pretty good conclusions to stories…that are almost completely divorced from
what we’ve been watching.
Angel’s return, as it must, prompts
Buffy to examine the state of her love life, leading to the Cookie Dough
speech, except that this season has been almost singularly uninterested in
Buffy and romantic relationships. Additionally, Angel brought along a magical
doo-dad from his show that’s supposed to help in the final battle. So, yes, we
have not one but two very significant inanimate items to spend time on, and I
recall when Angel got this magical doo-dad amulet on his show—Wolfram and Hart
just gave it to him. Anyway, the amulet must be worn by someone with a soul who
is stronger than a human it’s for Spike, okay? He doesn’t bother pretending to
not see through this. Buffy, though, asserts it belongs to a champion, and Spike
briefly hangs his head before Buffy gives it to him, because she’s insisted he
had good in him since “Sleeper,” fifteen episodes ago. Later, when the amulet
is doing whatever it does, he enthuses that he can feel his soul, it really is
there. Was that an issue? It doesn’t even really work as a poetic excess, the
show hasn’t given Spike much opportunity to ruminate or explore if his soul
hasn’t made him good. Anya grappled with fear at the end of season 5, and if we’re
meant to see that this time she does
so without thoughts of Xander and marriage so it’s more meaningful, well,
nothing in the text really supports that. And Willow, of course, has been
casting spells all season.
Rolling
back to cookie dough for a sec. Besides having little connection to anything
the show has been about in a long time, I know a lot of people really like the
Cookie Dough speech, but I…I just don’t. It takes a fairly simply concept—that Buffy
doesn’t think she’s really ready for a proper relationship—and smears cutsey
frosting all over it in an effort to make it seem like a profound breakthrough
and statement, while also forcing a pair of cunnilingus jokes. Someone
blundering into an unintended double entendre is some classic Buffy, except the cookie dough analogy
isn’t so much a blundering as it is an extremely obvious setup for her to say “eat
me.” And like I said, she’s expressing a simple idea, and she’s going on about
cookie dough—this is a close cousin to the sort of pomposity Buffy used to love skewering. But then,
a lot of classic Buffy fails to work
here. The quipping has been off all season, primarily I feel after going back
to season 2, because it’s not a mask for a character’s fear anymore, so they
mostly come off as smugly performing. “Chosen” tries to lighten things up, even
recreating the scene between Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles than ended “The
Harvest” way back when, but to no avail, because this show isn’t that show
anymore. The gang plays some D&D, except it’s not the gang, it’s Giles and
Xander with Anya asleep, and Andrew and Amanda (sadly, two of the better
characters introduced at this late stage).
But there is one thing that works
great in “Chosen,” and that’s the real end of Buffy’s (TV) story, because it is
one we have been watching. It’s not the story of Buffy leading her army into
battle, that’s actually pretty disastrous, seeing as she and everyone else was
about to get eaten when Spike’s doo-dad started doing its thing. The plan of
attack here is really tactically unsound to begin with, and by the by, Whedon
is aware that the ultravamps have even more wildly fluctuating power levels
than normal here, considering Anya, who wielded a bat with like Shelley Duvall in
The Shining, killed two in a row.
But, see, he was more focused on the storytelling, which, looking at this I can
only say “Nah, man. Nah.”
Anyway, sorry, get negative again
for a minute, took too many ques from Wood who negs Faith into fucking him
again, isn’t it nice that he survives. Sorry! Did it yet again. Anyway, no,
what I do find actually effective is Buffy’s plan to activate all the
Potentials. Mechanically, it’s garbage, requiring the axe and Willow to do some
silly acting to convey a sense of awe, and also highlights the stupidity of the
First’s scheme, since the montage of empowered girls shows how much killing it
has left to do before Buffy and/or Faith is the last, those Little Leaguers can
be wily. And some might wonder if Buffy has, in fact, conscripted girls all
over the world into her nightly war (at the same time, there have been enough
people with no powers, from the Watchers to the Initiative to Willow, Xander,
and Anya, who have taken up that nightly war that I don’t think you can call it
that).
Still, this has been a story we
watched unfold over 7 seasons—no matter what, no matter how close she gets to
her family and friends, no matter how close they get to her, she is the Slayer
and, in the end, carries that burden alone. We saw that story, and finally in “Chosen,”
it comes to an end with Buffy no longer alone, her burden now truly shared. For
her, at least, it’s a happy ending. In the end, the show puts the focus exactly
where it should be.
It was, after all, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Apex
Episode: The sort of mostly successful “Selfless.”
Nadir
Episode: The miresome “Get It Done.”
Season
4 Costuming Theory Check In: Eh, nothing that stands out too much.
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